Klaviyo Newbie needs feedback on 1st email...what's missing

Hi ​@JDailey! 

First, I want to say welcome. And this is such a beautiful first email. Your story about Oreo makes it really heartfelt and personal… Personal note: my beloved family Boston Terrier passed away a few years ago and his name was also Oreo (see his pic below).

A few quick thoughts from someone who is more experienced with the creative vs technical side of things:

• Copy length is fine, but you could break it up with more white space or bold one key line (“They can still be ‘Always Near.’”) to help skimmers.

• Try leading with a strong product image so readers see the frame right away, then share the story below.

• The CTA is clear, maybe repeat it mid-email and at the bottom.

• Love the idea of adding your lead magnet PDF! 

• Consider a short note about what subscribers can expect going forward (occasional remembrance ideas, new frame designs, etc.).

• If you have a testimonial, even one line could help reinforce the product’s meaning.

Overall, your tone is perfect. Gentle and authentic. Just a couple tweaks and this will really resonate.
 

Thank you Gabby for the feedback. Much appreciated.

Thinking about breaking up the text and adding some white space… I see a natural break at:

“We did find something to help on those hard days…
And we’ll share it with you.”

What if I put that line in white bold text?  They would know we’re transitioning to why they should care.

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I’m uncomfortable about having the product image first cause that’s the punch line. That is what resulted from our experience.  It’s like “the cart before the horse”.  

I could place it right below the line that says “They can still be “Always Near”…

And then the lifestyle product image example right after.

Then followed by the last paragraph and button

(unless I can put a button right on the photo perhaps) can we make a photo a link?

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Here’s a link to the lead magnet pdf  https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:US:9ed2ea25-33d7-47ba-a4d1-52338bbfc16a

Do you think I should incorporate this in the very first email or use later in it’s own email with a sign-up option?

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Last but not least… your Oreo looks like a sweetheart. I bet you have many fond memories with him.  Thank you for your time and comments… I do appreciate it  :)
Joan